You can’t give what you don’t have

BROWN COUNTY — This November, designated as National Family Caregivers Month, Teri Bradford, caregiver specialist at the Aging and Disability Resource Center (ADRC) of Brown County, wants caregivers to remember that you can’t care for a loved one if you’re not also caring for yourself.

“Think about the last time you took a flight and the stewardess stood at the front and said, ‘If the oxygen masks drop, put yours on first, because if you don’t, you may pass out and then you’re no help to your loved ones,’” Bradford said. “It’s the old adage of, ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup.’ You can’t give what you don’t have.”

Amid a shortage of professional caregivers, more and more people are stepping up and stepping into caregiving roles — some without even realizing it.

“If you are checking in on a neighbor, helping them mow the lawn or shovel their driveway, maybe you’re taking mom to the doctor or dad to church or taking them to appointments, if you’re helping with anything from meal prep to rides to navigating the healthcare system, all of those things are things that a caregiver does…” Bradfod said. “I look at myself as an example. When I was caring for my parents, I never once saw myself as a caregiver. I was just going out to mow the lawn or I was going out to help with this or help with that or picking up the groceries. It never even dawned on me.”

But whether someone realizes they’re acting as a caregiver or not, caregiving can take a toll on mental health with added stress and social isolation.

“Our family caregivers are taking on more and more skilled tasks,” Bradford said. “Wond care, ostomy bags, it’s just amazing the things that they’re taking on with very little, if any, real formal training… So many caregivers are facing burnout and they don’t even know that they’re close to that final breakdown… If my loved one can’t go anywhere anymore, whether it’s due to incontinence issues or behavior issues or whatever the case may be, I’m at home with them and my world begins to shrink just like theirs does.”

And it’s not just mental health that suffers when caregivers look past their own needs to focus on the needs of their loved ones.

“The other thing that I see with a lot of caregivers and their struggles is that because they’re so focused on their loved ones’ needs, their own needs take a backburner…” Bradford said. “Maybe I was really religious about going in for mammograms, but now I’m taking care of my husband so I let the mammograms go and now I’ve got full-blown breast cancer and I can’t do anything about it, but I could have been taking care of it for years if I had just put my own medical needs in front of me, too.”

Bradford said It’s important for caregivers to recognize the signs of burnout and know that it’s okay, and encouraged, to ask for help.

“If, as a caregiver, you’re showing signs of depression. If you’re seeing a change in your appetite. If you’re gaining weight or losing weight. If you’re emotional and crying all the time or frustrated or angry. Maybe you’re starting to lose patience with your loved one or family members may bring up that you seem a little short,” she said. “None of us can do it on our own. It takes a village.”

But caregivers don’t have to wait until they’ve reached their breaking point to look for help.

In fact, Bradford recommends that caregivers reach out to the ADRC and getting connected with local resources long before they reach that point.

“We would love for them to connect with us before they get to that stage,” she said. “There’s so much more we can do for them and with them if we can get to them sooner rather than later. However, a lot of our families do call when they’re already in crisis mode.”

When a caregiver calls the ADRC, a specialist will help connect them to any and all resources that are available to them while Bradford helps them through the process of accessing funding that can be used to lighten the load caregivers may carry.

“We have funding programs that will help offset the cost of caregiving, whether that’s bringing somebody in to do the housekeeping or plowing the driveway so they don’t have to go out and shovel or covering the cost of Curative Connections so they can go out, ready-make meals, grocery deliver services,” Bradford said. “All those things will take things off the caregiver’s plate… If they can connect with an ADRC specialist, we’re going to make sure that they’ve got the resources that they need and the encouragement to put some things in place to help them out.”

In addition to funding, the ADRC also offers a variety of support groups and programming tailored to caregivers.

Caregiver support groups, including the Mug Club for Caregivers and health condition-specific groups, offer opportunities for caregivers to connect with other members of the community with similar experiences and who understand what they’re going through.

The Powerful Tools for Caregiving class focuses on reducing stress for caregivers by teaching strategies for communication, dealing with difficult emotions and making tough caregiver decisions.

Caregivers can access online support options through Trualta.

On Saturday, Nov. 15, caregivers are invited to head to Curative Connections for Let’s Talk Caregiving: A Day of Support, where they will find opportunities to recharge, connect with other caregivers, and participate in breakout sessions with on-site respite care available for their loved ones.

More information about the ADRC’s caregiver resources can be found at adrcofbrowncounty.org/caregivers/ or by calling the ADRC at (920) 448-4300.